GTA Fight April 21, 2008

We can all agree that the leading men in the Grand Theft Auto series are pretty tough. But when it comes down to it which one would win in a bare knuckle bar room style brawl that would put Willie O’Dea to shame?

The Contenders

In the blue corner…

The small but scrappy collective cast of GTA1 who for the sake of moving things along will be classed as one character. Also the only thing that really changes is their shirt colour. Their main strength is the ability to duck and dive being so small it would make any attacks by the competitors near useless. Their weakness is that from what we can tell they appear to he heads with feet attached. 

 

In the red corner…

Claude, the gruff, burly, man machine from Grand Theft Auto 3. His main strengths are that he was the first proper 3D character with actual facial features. His hobbies include include running over hookers, posing as a taxi driver and climbing up on a rooftop and throwing grenades at pedestrians.  

 

In the magenta corner

Tommy “Vice City” Vercetti, the Hawaiian shirt loving walking stereotype from the 1980s. His strengths are that he looks bad ass on a motorcycle and possesses the ability to go in and out of buildings. He was also the first character to actually think to change his clothes. His main weakness is that since he lives in a different decade to the rest of the fighters by the time we can get them all together he’ll be considerably older. Unless the fight is held in the 1980s then he can just kick their pre-teen asses. 

 

In the forest opal corner

Carl “CJ” Johnson of GTA San Andreas. His strengths include being able to work out to the point where he looks as if he can’t support the weight of his own neck. His main weakness is that his girlfriend will probably want him to go somewhere, usually the club, bar or shooting at passers-by…low maintenance girl really. He also has a penchant for BMXs ad running around the city smacking pedestrians with a rubber phallus (in case you haven’t found that weapon it’s in the cop station I’m not crazy).

 

The Main Event 

The contenders stood nervously in their respective corers of the ring waiting for the fight to start. After the bell CJ was first off the ropes but it soon became clear that he was going for his mobile to phone his girlfriend. This task was soon forgotten after Vercetti made whipping noises in his direction as he leaned against the ropes, rolled up the sleeves on his suit and stroked his muzzle. 

The GTA 1 characters were nowhere so be seen, it was only when CJ knocked Tommy Vercetti clean out they were smashed on the bottom of his shoe. 

Claude was late into the fight since it took him 20 minutes to run from his dressing room to the ring. He had to stop periodically to catch his breath and eat mysterious red and white sweets he found on the ground.    

The two faced off in the ring for a while each taking the occasional jab but the fight took a turn when CJ from all the physical activity instantaneously grew 6 inches onto his chest and fell down incapacitated.    

 

How Will History Tell Our Stories? April 15, 2008

When reading accounts of Christopher Columbus’ exploits it’s quite clear that the history books paint him as some kind of martyr. First hand accounts of his expeditions including diaries from people who travelled with him tell of the real Christopher Columbus being a vicious and brutal man who not only removed people from their land, he tortured and killed them in order to get his way. Despite being told about little else but his skills as a navigator, those who knew Columbus feared and detested him.

This made me wonder about some of our leaders and influential figures. Barely two days after announcing his retirement people were quick to talk about all the good that Bertie Ahern did in office and I would put money on it that this will happen after George Bush leaves office…well maybe not Bush but you get the idea.

Our generation has already bought into so many religious and racial stereotypes. Is it possible that the events that set these in motion such as September 11th will only be exaggerated with time? The purple, monkey, dishwasher effect if you will.

Riddle me this… April 8, 2008

As I was going to St Ives

I met a man with seven wives

And every wife had seven sacks

And every sack had seven cats

And every cat had seven kits

Kits, cats, sacks, wives

How many were going to St Ives

The answer is one because the trick is that you’re supposed to be so dazzled by the maths that you forget the “I was going…” part. I don’t buy it! This riddle poses a few questions. What if this man met the man with numerous cat obsessed wives while they were all on the way to St Ives and happened to just overtake them? If I added it up right there was 3402 people in that sack loving group so they’d have been moving slowly enough.

Secondly, surely there was other people on that road other than the one man who was supposedly travilling there. If not you have to wonder why would anyone actually want to go to St Ives in the first place if only one person has the desire to go there at any given time. And the kind of people who go are polygamist cat crazed people who keeps their pets in sacks?

Bye Bye Bertie April 2, 2008

Say what you will about Bertie Ahern, his finances have been a little questionable, during his time as Minister for Finance he didn’t have a bank account and he’s quite partial to a brown envelope or two. But today Ireland started to prepare to say goodbye to a man who was, believe it or not, one of its most successful and astute politicians in the history of the state.

I know I didn’t vote for him, I voted Green because apparently I’m a “Mac using, journalistic, left wing liberal with no strong opinions about anyting” (thanks Paul), but I was actually quite fond of Mister Ahern. And I certainly respected his success.

In his time in office he single handedly constructed the Celtic Tiger helping the country out of one of the worst recessions in its history. He played a key role in the peace process in Northern Ireland. On the 30th of April (I believe) he is to become the 6th person ever to have addressed both the UK houses of Parliament and the US joint houses of congress after he travels to Washington to deliver his speech.

No other leader allowed the press or the public into his personal life to the extent that Bertie Ahern has meaning he is either a hugely open person or a very clever strategist. He knew how to handle the media albeit in a rather frustrating way for journalists trying to get a straight answer from him.

I could talk about his finances, his penchant for keeping money in suitcases and his at times turbulent social life but I think we should send him out on a high note.

Mini Marathon April 2, 2008

I finished my first shift at the DSPCA last Saturday and despite coming home tired, filthy and smelling vaguely like a wet dog it was a fantastic experience. I’ve always been very affected by TV adverts looking for sponsorship for animals and rescue centres and despite my parents worrying I was going to come home with a load of animals it feels really great and rewarding to know that you get to do something about it.

I’m doing the Dublin Mini-Marathon in a couple of months so if anyone wants to sponsor me you know where to find me. I have to raise €350 but if I make it past the €400 mark I’ll do it dressed as an animal!! Watch this space!!

Can Journalists and Bloggers Coexist? April 1, 2008

Human beings have always had an innate desire to have their opinions heard. Since the invention of the Internet and the evolution of more accessible media this is easier than ever. Contrary to speculation this is not endangering traditional media, in many cases this is quite the opposite. In order for the traditional media to grow it must embrace technological advances and people’s desire to play a larger part in the exchange and provision of information. The two can coexist and even facilitate the other.

Martin Luther had to nail his 95 theses to the Wittenberg Cathedral door in order to voice his opinion. That was his blog, the impact of which is evident to this day. Modern bloggers needn’t take such an extreme approach; all they need to do is register.

Blogging is seen as a hobby rather than a career or life choice, which is why traditional and modern media are not in direct competition. Modern media is both accessible and unreachable for the same reason. Because anyone can have a blog it puts bloggers in direct competition with each other rather than modern media. Just because it can be seen worldwide, doesn’t mean it will be.

Full time journalists spend their days chasing down stories and interviewing people and have access to greater levels on information than bloggers. Most bloggers would not have the time or the means to investigate stories to such a degree and so the majority take a story that has already been covered in the media and offer a new angle and point of view on the topic.

One area however where online media has affected traditional media is that it allows people to post videos. Video hosting sites such as YouTube, Google Video and Vidlife have become a phenomenon among Internet users. These sites can be used for people to post their opinions but also to watch music videos and tv shows which is what makes them so popular. Some “viral” videos so called because of their infectious popularity have created overnight stars out of ordinary people.

While this form of media can never replace traditional news media it draws young people to the internet and shows them the benefits of modern media over traditional. This mass spreading of ideas, such as with blogs, poses the same problem for users who hope to get their videos noticed. Online journalist Ben Croshaw whose blogging website fullyramblomatic.com has become a favourite among video game users stated that “releasing videos on YouTube is kind of like throwing messages in bottles out into a churning sea of messages in bottles”. When a video is posted online it can be seen by all over the world but it doesn’t guarantee it well be.

There is a certain amount of trust placed in traditional media by the public. News that is printed or broadcast may not always be completely accurate and can at times be influenced by spin and PR. It is felt however that because the media consumer can put a name or face to the person presenting it someone is accountable for what is being reported. Most journalists working in the Irish media have training or years of experience. There is no training necessary to write a blog or post videos online.

The Internet is virtually lawless meaning that a person could write about anything they want on their blog. The Internet can facilitate the spreading of bigoted views and because a blog can be kept anonymous the writers never have to answer for themselves. This lawlessness is a mixed blessing however. While it means the Internet can be used to spread hate it gives people the feeling that they can write freely about an issue. 

Bloggers and journalists can both survive. There will always be a demand for newspapers and news broadcasts as they are far more easily accessible to the public. Not everyone can access the internet but most people have television. Many people prefer newspapers because they are more portable. Bloggers can take inspiration for posts from the mainstream media. As long as modern media is popular those who produce traditional national media will be kept on their toes. This will improve the quality of news in Ireland.